<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>i guess you're right by kylomalfoys</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29020917">i guess you're right</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylomalfoys/pseuds/kylomalfoys'>kylomalfoys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:54:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,048</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29020917</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylomalfoys/pseuds/kylomalfoys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>CW: mentions of depression and therapy</p><p>Ben and Rey have been dating for a while now. They've gotten along great. He's been doing really well in therapy, and he feels that he's ready to take the next step in the relationship. Rey isn't, to say the least.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ijustfellintothissendhelp</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i guess you're right</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey guys, thanks for checking my fic out! This is kind of a sensitive topic for me to write about so please no hate/flames! I appreciate constructive criticism but hate is never welcome. This is also my own personal take on depression. Everybody experiences depression differently, and this is how I chose to write it. </p><p>I wrote this in one go so it's unbeta'd and might contain grammatical errors since English is my second language. I apologise in advance. </p><p>Once again, thanks for your interest in my fic and I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey and Ben have been dating for over two years and they are in a really good place right now as compared to when they first started dating. Ben now cringes at some memories as he realises that he was definitely the toxic one in the relationship. Ben has been going to therapy for over a year to deal with his trauma, as he realises that if he doesn’t take care of it, it’s going to affect their relationship. He’s been doing extremely well in terms of his anger and attachment issues; knowing his triggers, not letting it take over him, and thinking before acting as a lot of his and Rey’s arguments were centred around his impulsive behaviour. </p><p>Ben is really proud of his progress in therapy. He and Rey have been having less arguments and more time enjoying each other’s presence when they are together. He spends more time at her place, around four to five days a week, and the other days they will spend it apart, in their own homes and cities. He lives in a quaint, seaside town while Rey lives a bit further inland, in a bigger city. It usually takes him an hour or so on public transport to get to her, but he doesn’t quite mind as the journey can be beautiful sometimes. It’s nice. Really nice. It all sounds great, doesn’t it? </p><p>Well, the thing is, even with therapy, Ben still experiences his depressive episodes from time to time. He understands that this is something he has to live with and he communicates his feelings to Rey often so she’s aware with what’s going on with him. However, as much as Ben tells Rey, “I’m starting to notice depressive symptoms again,” Rey will find a logical explanation around it. </p><p>“You’re probably just stressed about job hunting, Ben,” she says. </p><p>He always just nods and proceeds to do something to distract his mind. He doesn’t want to argue with Rey because, honestly, she’s <em>partially</em> right. </p><hr/><p>Sometimes the journey to Rey’s apartment isn’t nice. </p><p>It’s in the middle of December and that means it’s rainy season. He doesn’t mind the cold, but he absolutely hates it when his clothes are wet. </p><p>He leaves the house ten minutes before his tram since his walk to the tram station takes about six minutes. He hates rushing, and even though he can walk fast due to his long legs, he prefers taking his time. </p><p>He has stopped taking his umbrella with him since it’s become a nuisance to carry, so he’s keeping warm and dry with a long coat with a hood that he stole from Chewie. (He didn’t actually steal it--he borrowed it and Chewie never asked for it back. Might as well keep it, right?)</p><p>He arrives on the tram station with two minutes to spare. Odd, since he would usually have four minutes to spare. He gets under the shelter so he can put on his face mask without it getting wet, and he realises that he had been walking on a slower pace. “That’s not a good sign,” he thinks to himself. He <em>has</em> been feeling a bit fatigued lately, but he hasn’t been doing much, so there isn’t exactly a logical explanation for his tiredness. He takes a mental note of it as the tram arrives. He walks in, taps his public transport card onto the reader (also taking a mental note of this because he often forgets if he’s already checked in or not), and takes a seat. It’s a 26 minute ride before he needs to make a transit and change to the metro, so he gets comfortable. </p><hr/><p>The 26 minutes fly by, and he’s now sitting in the metro. It’s empty at this hour, which is strange considering it’s four in the afternoon. He revels in the stillness before the metro stops at another station and a few people walk in, taking their seats. </p><p><em>Huh</em>. He’s not listening to music today. He hadn’t realised. He plugs in his earphones into his phone, put the buds in his ear, and picks a nice song from a playlist that he made. For some reason, it doesn’t sound so nice. He picks another. <em>And another</em>. <em>And another</em>. <em>And</em>--actually he’ll stop trying. He takes out the earbuds and puts his phone back in his pocket. “Nothing sounds right,” he thinks sadly. </p><p>He looks out the window and watches the scenery. It’s beautiful, yes, but it doesn’t feel like it used to before. He’s bored. He sighs and takes out his phone again. </p><p>He opens Twitter, scrolls, likes a few tweets, and opens Instagram. </p><p>Poe shared a story of his new puppy. <em>Like</em>. </p><p>Finn posted a photo of his newest painting. <em>Like</em>. </p><p>Rose uploaded a photo of her graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. <em>Like</em>. He knows how much she struggled, so he also left a brief comment congratulating her. </p><p>He scrolls again and sees a boomerang of Hux in Bali with 15 people. <em>Really, Hux? In a pandemic?</em></p><p>He signs and opens Twitter again to see if there are some new tweets. Nothing. </p><p>He opens Facebook and scrolls through some family drama, a few ancient memes, and some posts of people renting out a room in their home in Rey’s city. He checks those out since he’s been meaning to live closer to Rey. It’s been his goal ever since they started dating. </p><p>They all look nice, but unfortunately, they’re all out of his budget. "Well, of course they’re out of my budget, I don’t have a job," he thinks.</p><p>He dreads looking at LinkedIn, but there he goes, scrolling through posts of his university mates and acquaintances sharing that they got their “dream job at their dream company”. He vomits in his mouth. He’s jealous, sure, but mostly about the fact that they got a job at all. Out of all the people that graduated, he’s 100% sure that Phasma is the last person to need a job. Her parents are some big-shot CEO duo that own eleven properties around the world. She’s not even working for her parents! </p><p>He rolls his eyes and opens the Jobs tab. He scrolls, and nope, nothing new. He’s underqualified for every vacancy. Just <em>great</em>. </p><p>He puts his phone back in his pocket just as he was nearing the metro station that was nearest to Rey’s apartment. It’s a ten minute walk from the station to her apartment, but he guesses it’s going to take a bit longer. </p><hr/><p>When Ben arrives, Rey’s roommate and his girlfriend were in the kitchen, blasting music and banging pots and pans. He says a quick hi but they probably didn’t hear him, so he proceeds to take off his shoes and coat before shuffling into Rey’s room. It’s fine, he doesn’t remember their names anyway.</p><p>She is in the middle of a video game when he enters, but she pauses, takes off her headset, and comes to him to give him a hug. “Hey! You’re freezing!” she exclaims. He hugs her back.</p><p>Lack of butterflies, noted. They pull away and she gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Starcraft again?” he says with a soft smile. </p><p>Rey nods shyly. “I’ve been really into it, no idea why!”</p><p>Oh, wow, she’s chipper. I don’t think I can match this energy today.</p><p>“Anyways, have you eaten?” Rey asks. </p><p>Ben shakes his head. “Nah, wasn’t too hungry today.”</p><p>“I can make you a grilled cheese sandwich once they’re done in the kitchen?”</p><p>“It’s okay,” he reassures her. “We can wait until dinner. It’s only a few hours anyway.”</p><p>“Sure!” she beams. “Takeout? I didn’t have the time to do groceries yesterday.”</p><p>Ben smiles and nods in agreement. </p><hr/><p>It’s a little over 11pm now and Ben feels himself getting sleepy. Again, very odd considering he woke up at 10 in the morning and stayed in bed until 2pm. </p><p>His depression symptoms are getting extremely evident, so he tries not to fight it. Rey has been playing a different game after dinner; he thinks its called Overwatch. He taps on her shoulder and she moves her left earcup away so she can hear what he’s going to say. </p><p>“I’m going to get ready for bed,” says Ben. </p><p>“No problem, I’ll wrap this one up and after that I’ll come in bed with you,” she replies. </p><p>He nods. He walks out of the room and into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth, washes his face, and he’s ready to sleep. He walks back into Rey’s room and changes into a comfortable t-shirt and sleeping shorts, which Rey sometimes pokes fun at because she sleeps in her underwear. She convinced him once to sleep in his boxers, but his skin felt itchy against the sheets so, yeah, never again.</p><p>He gets in bed and almost immediately dozes off… </p><p>Until he’s awoken by Rey getting into bed. “Aw, Ben, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.”</p><p>He checks the alarm clock: 12:05. Midnight. “It’s okay. I think I can go back to sleep again.”</p><p>“Is there something troubling you?” she asks. </p><p>A multitude of reasons come to mind. His mom’s retirement that is coming up soon. His extremely unsuccessful job hunt. His roommate that keeps asking how his job hunt is going. Being apart from Rey. </p><p>Ben rubs his eyes a bit. “Ah, yeah, but I don’t know if it’s the right time to talk about it.”</p><p>“I’m listening,” she says while pushing her hair behind her ears.</p><p>He sighs. “A bunch of stuff has been stressing me out. But, I guess, one of them is being apart from you.” It’s dark, but he could feel Rey’s judgement. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>“Yeah. I just haven’t been feeling well, and with the news about my mom, it’s not making me feel good.”</p><p>There is a long pause. Ben thinks she accidentally fell asleep.</p><p>Rey sighs. “Why are you always depressed when we’re apart?”</p><p>Um… He was not expecting that question. </p><p>She starts off a monologue. “You know, I do notice that you always have these sad flare-ups and depressive episodes when you’re back in your own home. We spent five days together, super nice and happy together, but then when you’re alone, you get sad again. I wish you did better alone.”</p><p>Ben is tired but he defends himself. “I’ve been stressed out with job hunting and everything. I guess you make me feel better.”</p><p>“That’s not an excuse to feel depressed, Ben.”</p><p>It feels like the gears in his brain stopped working. “Last week I was cranky at you. We barely had sex. Those are signs that I was already feeling depressed. You can’t say that I’m depressed just because we spent a few days together. I can feel down when we’re together. You help me cope with and distract myself from the stress.”</p><p>Another pause. </p><p>“I really want us to move in together,” he says quietly.</p><p>She groans. “This conversation again? Really? We’ve been having such a great month with no arguments and you bring this up again?” </p><p>Ben’s heart sinks. </p><p>She sighs deeply. “Look. I’m in the middle of my Masters programme. I’m the treasurer of my student association. I have part-time work to do. There’s also barely any space here because of my roommates. You want to move in here?”</p><p>“No, that’s not what I meant,” he quickly says. “I meant that it would be nice to get an apartment together.”</p><p>“No shit, Sherlock, what do you think I’ve been doing for the past three months? Do you see me getting an apartment viewing?” Her tone is getting harsher and Ben’s starting to feel sick. “It’s not like you’re going to live there from day one anyway. It’s still going to be my space. You can move in later.”</p><p>Ben feels defeated. “You’re right. It’s too soon as well.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>She shuffles in bed and tries to find a comfortable position, which is coincidentally where she’s on her side but she’s facing the other way. “Let’s just sleep over it. Goodnight.”</p><p>“Goodnight,” he responds quietly.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, maybe she’s right. I was stupid to even bring up the topic again.</em>
</p><p>He rolls over to his side and closes his eyes quickly before his tears stream down his temple. </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>